Friday Night, 3 A.M.

Random Thoughts from a Restless Mind

Category: General

Published On: September 12, 2026

I had a good day. I want to say that first, because the rest of this might make it sound like I didn't.
I had coffee with a friend and talked through a project we're about to start, teaching high school students to code. I went to Friday Night Magic and got to field test the prototype of the app I've been building, in front of real people, at a real table, and it held up. Then I hung out with friends afterward. Good people. Genuinely fun.
And I'm sitting here at three in the morning unable to sleep because I miss one person, and I can't talk to them.
For a long time, Friday nights had a shape. FNM, drive home, and around eleven we'd hop in a call and just stay there. All night, most nights. It's been months since that was a thing, and I've been fine, mostly. But tonight, sitting in a room full of people I like, I noticed I was already thinking about the drive home. Not to the call. To the fact that there wouldn't be one.
We had a fight. It was bad for a while. We still talk, technically. But I can read the length of a reply and how long it takes to arrive, and what I read is someone who doesn't really want me in their life anymore. I think part of them still loves me, and that's why they haven't let go entirely. I don't think they like me much. Those can both be true. It's the worst version of both.
I've been telling myself their life is probably better without me in it, and that the caring thing to do is respect that. Not try to patch it up. Not push on a door that seems closed. Just let it go quietly, at whatever speed it's going.
I don't know if that's wisdom or cowardice. I'm afraid to try, and "respecting their space" is a very convenient shape for fear to take. I might be wrong about what the silence means. I might not be. I'm not going to figure it out at 3 a.m.